This week has been missed messages, phone calls cut short, and just about every other thing that could go wrong. This is the bad & ugly of being far away from the one you love.
1. Communication frustration: we run on completely opposite schedules these days. I do a 9-5 and she's got all sorts of classes, clinicals and work that often go from evening til morning, or morning til evening. I hate talking on the damn phone. The only person I make an exception for is K, because it's often the quickest and easiest way to talk. We jump back and forth between texts, phone, and if I'm lucky, facetime or iPad messaging. And although we touch base at least once a day, and I don't go to sleep without an "I love you", you want and need more conversation than the snippet of the day's highlights edited together for your 10-30 minute call.
2. I'm missing your life: even with regular communication, you're not there. You miss things. Sure, you get to hear about anything important, but you miss all the little funny things that happen day-to-day. The concerns, the sighs, the stubbed toe, the chuckle at a TV commercial. There is no possible way to relay all of this information, and it would feel ridiculous if you tried. But it's nice to be there for it.
3. No one to hold: physical touch is a vital need for most humans. I'm not even talking about sex (although, that's a need too!) Just the most basic - and hand rub on your back, a hug, a little squeeze can resonate with something inside you and give you a sense of well-being and feeling loved. I'm tearing up right now just thinking about how much I would love a cuddle from my baby. Sometimes you just want to be held tight, you know?
It just all gets me down. And I know I sound a bit pathetic. And poor K gets streams of sad texts, "Do you love me?" "Do you remember me?" "Will I ever see you again???"
"Of course dove," she reassures me, and then tells me how many days are left until we see each other, and tells me she loves me.
I'm just not good at this sometimes.
The magnet I made for her, to put up in her new apartment (I find it therapeutic to send her things in the mail when I'm really missing her). "Some birds are red, some birds are blue, but none are as fuzzy and buggy as you!" I call her my fuzzybug...
I usually end up going to bed around midnight. And if I'm talking to her I can hear her bird clock in the background. We refer to midnight as "summer tanager o'clock", as in "oh no! it's almost summer tanager! I need to get to sleep." I also call her my little bird... (I think I literally have infinite nicknames for K, because I'm always using new ones).